Where are the words I need, Lord?

Before heading for church, my granddaughter came to me with two of her stuffed animals to take with her. I asked her to pick only one. She scrunched her face in thought for several minutes then said, "It's such a hard decision!" before the stuffed leopard won the trip to church. I giggled to myself thinking how I wish my biggest decisions were as simple as picking a stuffy to take to church.

Sometimes the hardest part about being a Christian is being confident in our decisions and taking steps of faith even when the steps feel like they are a bit (or a lot) shaky. We turn to the God and His Word in prayer to be led, but the outlines and planners we use in this world are not filled in and we have to rely on that connection with the Lord to move. That feeling that no matter what anyone thinks or what says we should do, this is what God is leading us to do. We get to a point when we rely on Him and wait for Him but what happens when we feel like He is not there or just not speaking to us? It can get so discouraging, frustrating or even make you feel like you did something wrong. But God works in his own way, his own timing and without fail.

The Lord had put it on my heart to write and publish a book. The writing part was easy as the Lord led me in writing the book. There were some struggles with finding a publisher (that is another blog sometime later!) but my first book "It's Okay to Cry" was published in January of 2025. I remember feeling such a sense of relief on the day it launched but then came the questions: so what happens next?

I had no idea what to do next. I had no mentors to turn to. So many people were reaching out to me trying to charge a fortune for marketing. After reading posts from several author groups I follow, Social Media seemed to be the answer. I had already been on Facebook and Instagram for years. Then my son helped me create a Tik Tok page to have another place to reach people.

Okay, I thought... I could do this. How hard could it be to post about my book or whatever God lays on my heart? When I was an unbeliever I posted almost every day especially when Facebook first came out and everyone was using it like a Dear Diary. Yeah, I disliked the way I look on camera but by this point everyone knew what I really looked like even if I am not a fan of all the fancy filters. So it really shouldn't be that hard. So I thought.

I've heard stories about God inspiring people with ideas then it took years to materialize. I've listened to many sermons about patience, but turning 50 just before my book was published made me feel like I was running out of time. Being impatient is already one of the lovely attributes I pray to God to work on but there is something about being a half a century that makes you think time is running out.

Then life became hectic. I took on more responsibilities, including temporary custody of my grandchildren, a promotion to supervisor, volunteering for the YouVersion Bible app and additional administrative duties at the church. On top of that, I had just gotten married in 2024, so I was trying to balance all of this while figuring out a life with my new husband.

Don't get me wrong. I loved my life, but moments to sit like I had before became a rarity. It looked like I had it all together to my friends and family but I knew I was failing miserably at something I felt God had asked me to do. My testimony book was about how He had saved my life and I wanted the world to know but I was struggling with being able to do so. I posted on social media as much as I could but then I would lose my words. I was a published author and had spoken at women's events. How could I lose my words on things that should be so simple?

I owe thanks to my Sister, Vashti Newble, who writes on her own blog "JustWrite" at https://justwriteblogs.blogspot.com/2025/12/im-not-hugger.html. She motivated me to begin blogging as she gave me encouragement saying it as an excellent platform for writing where I could engage as much or as little as I wanted to. Okay, I felt it in my heart again that the Lord was leading me to go this route and it sounded great until again. Where are my words?????

I insisted I was waiting to hear His voice and that when it was His time He would lead me on when and what to write. I was praying, writing in my journals, reading devotionals and listening to sermons in addition to church on Wednesdays and Sundays. I was doing everything I had done before when He spoke to me through teaching Bible studies and writing the book. What was I doing wrong? Why was He not speaking to me?

Carrie ten Boom (a Dutch Christian who save hundreds of Jews during the Holocaust) once said "If the devil cannot make us bad, he will us busy." What I failed to realize was that my busy life was not allowing for me to hear His voice. I was busy and distracted. Yes, I will still praying to Him every morning and had my routine, but I was not creating that space of stillness with Him to actually hear Him.

One of my leadership groups, Leadership Lighthouse, encouraged us to have business meetings with God even if we didn't own an actual business - even maintaining a household is a business! So I sat with Him. First with worship music. Then in silence. The scriptures then started to flow in my mind: "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens" Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV and "Many are the plans in a person's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" Proverb 19:21 were among the many.

Then I began to hear "Do Less." Do less?? That didn't make any sense to me. I'm trying to find ways to accomplish more, and He wants me to do less? And how do I tell people in various parts of my life, sorry, not today - figure it out yourself. Everywhere I turned, more was demanded of me. Everyone wanted five minutes to say something but all those five minutes added up in a day. I would feel terribly guilty though if I said no. However, that wasn't what God was saying, and it took me some time to realize it.

Then I continued to hear "Back to the Basics." He brought back memories of my toughest times after being saved like when my daughter was dying of kidney failure before her transplant and how ill she was or after the transplant when it took months for her to get better with no answers as to why. Or when my other daughter got herself in a situation only the Lord could help her out of. So many situations and the Lord reminded me of what I did. Just like the business meeting, in those past moments I would just sit with just me and Him and listen for His voice.

He wanted me to go back to the place of intimacy I had with Him that was so close that the words of the book or my Bible studies I wrote just flowed freely. Those mornings where it was not a lot of time I spent writing, sometimes as little as 10 to 15 minutes. It was the point that it was just me and Him where I was actually listening. When I prayed for His voice to speak through me instead of trying to figure it out and look for ideas on my own.

So I turned on the music again and let myself be still again. I didn't try to rush or look for ideas in other areas. I prayed and went to His Word for wisdom and discernment. Some of the strongest people in the Bible had moments where they felt like a failure, they could not move on or they did it with doubt and fear of their own capabilities. But the important thing is that they did it. They had faith enough in Him to keep going. Even the faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. Even the mountains we place in front of ourselves.

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20 (NLT)

In an instant, some responsibilities were lifted from my shoulders as my leaders in various areas began distributing more tasks to others, or I delegated work myself. Family members also pitched in to help with the grand-kids. When I devoted time to sit and listen to Him, He created openings in my life to reduce distractions, and my words flowed. Now, I found myself embarking on a new adventure as a blogger.

God created us for relationships not only with each other in the world, but also with Him. In any relationship, we desire to be listened to, understood, and respected, and being in a relationship with God is no different. Just as we seek affirmations and acknowledgment from those we care about, God also longs for our love, our time, and, importantly, to be heard. When we engage in a relationship with God, it is not just about daily routines or checking off our good Christian checklist; it is about establishing a deep, meaningful connection with our Creator. It is about building a relationship with mutual communication. Through prayer, we share with Him all of our joys and sorrows creating that intimacy He desires and what we need for a fulfilled life. As our intimacy grows, we become more in tune to the whispers of His guidance and wisdom that can shape our lives.

God does not just want us to know He exists but also our active participation in this relationship, encouraging us to seek Him in our daily lives, to recognize His presence on the best of days and the worst of days alike. He wants us to engage with Him fully, offering our hearts, our time, and our attention, as we go through the twists and turns of the path of life together. Investing in our relationship with Him brings about the biggest guaranteed return we could have ever hoped for - a life of deep fulfillment and joy beyond measure.

"You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of Your presence and the pleasures of living with You forever." Psalm 16:11 (NLT)